Ten Problems, One Solution: Chocolate

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Anna Dusseau | 15th May 2020

Dark chocolate, to be specific. Because in this house, there is just one solution to a whole host of problems. Don’t overthink it. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Get involved and give yourself a brain-boosting, endorphin-soaring, antioxidant, 85% dose of ‘I-can-handle-this’ and change your parenting stress habits for life. Here’s how it works:

You find your credit card at the bottom of the dishwasher – again – after a 90 degree wash. Thanks, baby. Oh, hello Natwest. Answer? Chocolate.

Over-excited lap-size person delivers a severe headsmash to your jaw while trying to get their shoes on. Using your tongue to do a quick tooth-count. Answer? Chocolate.

Babe, I’m so sorry… I can’t do bedtime tonight after all; they’ve scheduled another Zoom meeting. Can you do your candlelit aromatherapy bath later? Answer? Chocolate.

What’s that in the rearview mirror? Does your seven-year-old really have her head in The Faraway Tree again? Country lanes plus reading equals…too late. Answer? Chocolate.

Mum! I can’t find my sports shoes! Muum! I’ve looked everywhere! Muuuum! Can we have a snack! MUUUUUUM! The baby just put Upsy Daisy down the toilet! Answer? Chocolate.

A work call at 6pm? No problem. I have three children under the age of seven, so expect to find me in savasana being pummeled by book 5 of Harry Potter. Answer? Chocolate.

Baby is now walking and climbing. Relentlessly. So it’s stir the sauce (grab the baby), locate sports shoes (grab the baby). Hobble him? Probably not. Answer? Chocolate.

Aaaah Friday night! Hello red wine and episode 4 of Tiger King. Wait, who’s that out of bed? A nightmare? YOU’VE ONLY BEEN ASLEEP TEN MINUTES! Answer? Chocolate.

You FaceTime your child-free former flatmate, whose lockdown involves a swimming pool and skin that honestly looks better now than in 2008. Answer? Chocolate.

Grandparent question time getting tiring? So, when are they going back to school? What reading level is the big one at? What about socialisation..? Answer? Chocolate.

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